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“Dear Daughters, Welcome to summer…”
June 16, 2016 by GuyHeilenman · Leave a Comment
A well-known “letter” has been making its rounds for many decades which was supposedly written by a young female college student to her parents, updating them on the recent events that had befallen her. While the letter is fictitious, it certainly encourages us to keep perspective when hearing bad news concerning loved ones. A (modified) form of the letter is as follows:
Dear Mother and Dad:
It has been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further unless you are sitting down, okay.
Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed by now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get those headaches once a day.
Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump was witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the Fire Dept. and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It’s really a basement room, but it’s kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We haven’t set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes, mother and dad, I am pregnant. I know how very much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am now taking daily.
I know you will welcome him into the family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know that your oft-expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his heritage and religion are different than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good too, for although I’ll need to learn my place when I visit, I am told his father is one of the most respected men in his village and is often called upon to help keep order when those from his community step out of line.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you there was no dormitory fire; I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture; I was not in the hospital; I am not pregnant; I am not engaged. I do not have a communicable disease, and I am not dating someone from a culture which is oppressive to women. However, I am getting a D in sociology and an F in science; and I wanted you to see these marks in proper perspective.
Your loving daughter,
(unsigned)
It is with the heart of this letter in mind I present a copy of a recent rather-lengthy text my wife and I sent to our young daughters:
Dear Daughters,
As you know, the summer season is nearly upon us and your annual quest to find swimsuits your mama and I are willing (if even reluctantly) to allow you to wear in public is upon us. We know this is about as challenging and frustrating as finding a “mama acceptable” evergreen tree at the start of each Christmas season. Need I say more? However, this year, as your loving parents, we’ve decided to alleviate your stress by purchasing matching suits for all of you. While they have yet to arrive, we were able to download a picture of the ad for the style we selected from the online catalog at AuntieAmysAuspiciousApparel.com:
Okay, we didn’t purchase swimsuits for each of you, but we’re considering doing so next year. Please keep the above in mind as you begin your quest. I’m sure we’ll be pleased with your choices.
Love,
Mom and Dad
PS A special thank-you goes out to the Public Ledger, Philadelphia, June 15, 1893, for this most wonderful advertisement. It’s a bit unsettling to note the ad appears in an issue containing an article on Lizzie Borden.
Full Disclosure: My wife and I are blessed to have 5 daughters with whom we never need to fight this battle. Thank you!
This one is hard to stomach…
May 19, 2016 by GuyHeilenman · Leave a Comment
I confess, until recently I would never have thought to pick up a copy of a druggist’s publication – unless of course I was looking for an alternative to taking Benadryl as a sleep aid…err, I mean, because of my allergies. However, after perusing a March, 1887 issue of The Druggists Circular, I may need to revise my list of genres of preferred reading. An inside page has an article which is now on my agenda of things to share with my grandchildren the next time we’re on a long hike – preferably on a hot summer day. The article in its entirety is shown below. Please enjoy. 
The horrors of Billiards and Baseball… Those were the days…
May 12, 2016 by GuyHeilenman · Leave a Comment
A few days ago we posted a blog concerning one of the most shocking events of the 20th century: The 1969 Tate Murders by Charles Manson and his followers. As we reflect back on the turbulent 1960’s, the tragic and bizarre murders seem to have been a somewhat appropriate ending to a very troubled era in American history. Perhaps ironically, nearly 100 years prior and on the opposite coast, the New York Times (October 26, 1860) was reporting about two other societal stressors: billiards and baseball. While we all can appreciate the horrors of billiards (who doesn’t identify with “Ya got trouble, right here in River City”), the article on baseball is what catches our attention. Apparently, young boys playing baseball in the park were creating a high degree of angst among the strollers of the day. Who among us would not trade the distractions and temptations of today’s youth for the youthful pastime activities of yesteryear?
What would it cost today?
April 28, 2016 by GuyHeilenman · Leave a Comment
I recently came across a large advertisement for a newly built home in a Helena, Montana newspaper from 1892 (see below). After viewing the sketch of the home and reading the details of the listing, I immediately wondered what it might cost in today’s dollars. Thanks to the internet I found an easy-to-use inflation calendar, entered the needed data, and voila! I couldn’t have been more wrong. Just for fun, respond to this post with your guess, and then give it a try. I hope you have a better sense of the impact of inflation on the value of the almighty dollar-over-time than I.
The Traveler… ah, this bloody weather…
April 18, 2016 by The Traveler · Leave a Comment
Today I traveled to England by The Post Boy dated April 17, 1716. I found a most intriguing report from Genoa, “On the 22d, about Eight in the Evening, we had a great Shower of Rain colour’d like Blood, which lasted above two Hours, and was follow’d with dreadful Thunder and Lightning, which struck People with a general Fright; and the more, because nine Persons were kill’d, and twelve wounded by it, in the Suburbs of San Pietrod’ Arena. It was very calm over Night; but the next Morning there arose such a furious Storm, that many Houses along the Sea-Coast were blown down…”.
I know for certain that I would not have wanted to experience those storms!
~The Traveler
What a pile of hooey… No seriously, what a pile of hooey…
April 14, 2016 by GuyHeilenman · Leave a Comment
Every now and then, while browsing through rare and early newspapers, an article is discovered which causes one to take a second look – or 2nd read. Such is the case with a report in the New York Semi-Weekly Tribune of January 30, 1855. As I was scanning through slavery and Mormon related coverage, I discovered an inside report which described how Ecuador tricked the United States into signing a treaty in which the U.S. would provide protection for Ecuador’s ports and the Galapagos Islands (owned by them) in exchange for access to the supposed endless supply (by the ton) of guano on the Galapagos Islands. Apparently, Ecuador had produced samples of highly potent bird and bat dung which motivated the U.S. to sign the treaty. Later, upon investigation, it was found out that the tons upon tons of guano was simply a pile of hooey – that is, nowhere to be found – but the treaty had already been signed. Who signs such an agreement sight unseen? I must admit, the nature of the agreement stirs all of the middle-school boy sarcasm which I thought I had long-since put to rest. However, such is not the case. He’s in there.
They put it in print… “Liar, Liar”…
April 11, 2016 by TimHughes · Leave a Comment
From a time before internet dating, the Dec. 30, 1791 issue of “The Morning Post“ from London contains an interesting–and hopefully tongue-in-check–report headed: “Advertisements Matrimonial” which provides amusing reading if nothing else. “Liar, Liar” in print – what if people desiring a mate through ads in newspapers had to write what they were really wanting??? Enjoy.
What did they do to false prophets? 1929 predicted to be a banner financial year…
April 7, 2016 by GuyHeilenman · Leave a Comment
How ironic… In what was to become known as the worst financial year in U.S. history, it is interesting to read The New York Time, January 3, 1929 front page article headed: “Stock Market Opens 1929 With Buying Rush; 5,413,610-Share Day Stirs Hope of Big Year”. Could they have been more wrong? It sure is good this NY Times writer was not graded as a Hebrew prophet – or he/she would likely have joined the throngs who brought about their own demise in late October of the same year during The Great Stock Market Crash of 1929.
The worst kind of “ism”…
March 31, 2016 by GuyHeilenman · Leave a Comment
“Isms” can be found everywhere – in politics, medicine, psychology, religion, etc.. If you suffer from something, believe something, or think something, or have a habit of doing something, there is likely an “ism” to cover it. A March 17, 1862 issue of the Kansas State Journal included a humorous item with a religious flare poking fun at “isms” while at the same time softly admonishing the common practice of assuming the worst in others (antithesisofloveism?). What initially caught my attention was the term “socinianism” -an “ism” which until now was unbeknownst to me. Enjoy (or ponder):
Lava flowing on the moon?
March 14, 2016 by TimHughes · Leave a Comment
It can be easy to understand the limits of astronomy prior to our modern age when you read a report like the one found in “The Bath Chronicle” from England, June 14, 1787, which reports an observation by one of the more noted astronomers of the era. It begins: “Our great astronomer Mr. Herschel has lately discovered three volcanoes in the moon. The principal one, which is now burning, ejects great quantities of smoke and lava…” (see image).